fat vegan

I have a confession to make. I am fat.

I am a fat vegan. Whew, feels good to get that off my very ample chest!

I'm not just saying I'm fat because all women think they're fat. I am fat by pretty much any definition as I weigh well over 200 pounds and I'm 5'6". I just wrote a novel called Fat Girl. Seriously.

What's more, my vegan fiance is also fat. We may be the only fat vegans in Sussex County, Delaware. We may be the only fat vegans in Delaware, for that matter. I've checked and can say with relative certainty that we aren't the only vegans, and we definitely aren't the only fat people. It's just that those two attributes together are ones we are not accustomed to seeing. "Fat Vegan" defies stereotypes.

I've struggled with weight and disordered eating for most of my life. My mother put me on diets, fat-shamed me, and even bribed me to lose weight when I was growing up. When I was 14, I discovered how to starve myself and exercise three to four hours a day. Whenever I get very depressed, I tend to fall back into that mode of starving myself and over-exercising.

Becoming vegan has not helped me lose weight. Not yet, anyway. That's because I eat way too much vegan junk food. And trust me, there is a LOT of vegan junk food out there. Some really GOOD vegan junk food at that.

Do I want to get to a point where I can eat more whole foods and lose some weight? Sure, that would be fantastic. But I am healthy and relatively happy so I'm doing it in my own time. And I know that I am probably going to be a voluptuous girl no matter what. That's just the way I'm built.

But here's the deal: I have found other vegans to be extremely rude, hateful, judgmental and ridiculing when it comes to obesity. They are among the most prolific fat shamers out there. I see them posting memes, videos, pictures, comments, and whatnot about fat people and how gross, disgusting, stupid, lazy and unattractive they are.

I have never understood why people think a strategy of shaming is an effective way to persuade anyone to their line of thinking. As vegans, we're supposed to be compassionate. We're supposed to be stewards of the planet. And I think we are supposed to set an example that others might want to follow.

I've seen a few groups on Facebook for fat vegans. Maybe we're forming alliances, some solidarity. Maybe the skinny vegans will learn to accept us and understand we are all part of the cause. Because if we are really going to make inroads toward ending animal cruelty and suffering and protecting our planet's precious resources, we are all going to have to stick together. And trust me, fat people can be pretty sticky!

Just some food for thought. Vegan food, that is! :)

saving bugs

So, I have to say that I've never been a big fan of creatures with more than 4 legs. I'm a little more tolerant of spiders because I fell in love with Charlotte's Web when I was about 8 years old, and besides, spiders eat other bugs. I have always had a gut reaction to exterminate any insect I find inside the house, be it a fly, ant, beetle, etc. If it's a stinging insect then I typically call in a male (sorry to be sexist but I've always been the sole female living amongst males) to help out, usually my fiance or my oldest son. My fiance, a vegan, tries to trap and release, even for European Hornets, and have you seen the size of those MF'ers?

Yesterday was unseasonably warm and I spent some time in our backyard, surveying it for wedding plans. When I stripped down to take a shower, a little gold beetle fell out onto the floor from my clothes. He was a magnificent creature! Only about a third of an inch long but with the most metallic body you've ever seen, shining like gold. I had no desire whatsoever to kill him. He ran into some crack in the tile and I haven't seen him since.

I think this is real progress in my transformation, although my fiance says I'm not fully vegan until I refrain from killing big, ugly bugs. Whatever, I'll still take it and celebrate it!

a confession

Yesterday I made my children quesadillas for lunch and they looked scrumptious! I haven't eaten cheese in months now but boy did they look so nice and golden brown. I decided to make one for myself, just because I didn't have many options in the house for lunch (a person can only eat so many salads in a week, right?) and I was feeling somewhat stressed and thought the cheese would be a good reward for getting some stuff done around the house.

Okay, yes, I know food shouldn't be used as a reward. I am trying very hard to get away from that mindset, but it means erasing decades of eating disordered behavior and thoughts. So, I had a momentary lapse of reason and willpower.

But here is the good news: I couldn't eat the quesadilla. It just tasted like plastic to me. Blech! Now, it wasn't super high quality cheese, but still, the point is that I DID NOT EAT IT!

I am going to chalk that up as a victory!

vegan thanksgiving

Even though I was just cooking for my fiance and I, our Thanksgiving meal was a great success! I baked a Celebration Field Roast coated with a bit of sesame oil in a baking dish with vegetable broth and carrots, celery, and mushrooms. I made vegan mashed potatoes with a bit of broth, almond milk and earth balance. And I made stuffing - the only one I could find where the bread cubes did not have any dairy in them - with veggie broth and sauteed carrots, celery and mushrooms mixed in. We also had ciabatta rolls under the broiler with earth balance and a vegan maple pecan pie for dessert. The pecan pie was incredible and was made with maple syrup, brown and white sugar, tofu, almond milk and cornstarch.

My fiance was thrilled!

Then for our engagement party Saturday night I made a vegetable curry with red curry paste and coconut milk and rice and it was a huge hit!

I'm feeling that I'm getting the hang of this vegan cooking thing!

on vegan weddings

My fiance would like to have a vegan wedding and I have been thinking a lot about how we can accomplish this. First off, my close friend and baker extraordinaire, who goes by the moniker Madame Buttercream, has graciously offered to experiment with vegan cake recipes. So that is good news! But I was confused about how others would feel about attending a celebration and finding their food choices limited.

I have a wonderful support group of friends on Facebook where I set up a group solely to discuss our wedding. I pose questions and they answer with honest feedback or give me ideas and advice. I posted today about my food dilemma and everyone unanimously agreed that it's our wedding and we should serve whatever we want. Our guests will be appreciative and want to celebrate with us no matter what is on the menu.

Plus, I was assured that if there will be alcohol, everyone will be happy!

So, I'm still not sure what will be on the menu but I have decided not to let the limitation of serving vegan food dictate the time of the ceremony and whether or not we are serving hor d'oeuvres or an actual meal. But I would love to throw it out there to the vegan community for feedback: what did you serve at your own weddings?

I'm anxious to hear your answers! Please comment and share this post among your vegan friends!

trading one group of assholes for another

trading one group of assholes for another

I think I may have traded one opinionated, self-righteous group of assholes for another.

I made this epiphany yesterday after reading two sets of comments spewing hate, intolerance, vitriol and a holier-than-thou attitude that left a really bad taste in my mouth. Especially bad now that I belong to both groups of commenters.

One was a group of Christians posting about why gay marriage is so wrong, unnatural and damning; and the other was a group of vegans shaming a poster who admitted he wasn't vegan. At best, the vegans suggested that he should go fuck himself. At worst, they posted memes implying he should die a cruel and hellish death. Strangely enough, the Christians predicted a similar fate for homosexuals, the "hellish" part anyway.

I posted awhile back about how it feels to be Christan and love sex, and how I have rejected many of the social. political and economic ideals held dear by evangelical Christians because I find them antithetical to Jesus' teachings of love, forgiveness and acceptance.

I've started following several vegan groups now that I'm on the vegan bandwagon and have found them to be equally intolerant and hateful. I'm quickly learning why so many people hate vegans, and it's for the same reasons that people hate Christians. What I find most interesting about this parallel is that so many vegans are atheists. And many Christians feel that eating meat is a God-granted right. So far apart philosophically, yet their treatment of people who disagree with them is strikingly similar.

Just as I stepped back from mainstream Christianity to publicly declare I'm "Not Like That," I feel I must do the same with my newfound veganism. I promise my meat-eating friends and family members that I will respect their choices while I hope that they will respect mine. Not to say I won't discuss my beliefs. I will, and I will do it with respect.

How can you have an ideology that's based on compassion and love, whether it's for humans or animals, and be such an asshole? It really blows my mind that any group would think this is the right way to promote their agenda and gain converts.

I welcome your thoughts.

the broccoli-hating vegan

I did have one strong moment yesterday when my fiance and I were traveling back home from New York, where we attended a wedding and spent time with his family on Long Island. We went to P.F. Chang's for dinner where I have always gotten the Crispy Honey Shrimp and he even asked me if that was what I wanted. But I turned to him and said adamantly, "No. I'm vegan now." That was really hard for me to do because shrimp and crab were among my favorite dishes. But I felt pretty damn victorious and resolute!

The other hard thing for me to give up has been dairy, just things like coffee creamer and a little bit of cheese on my sandwich. I wasn't a milk drinker at all before, which I guess is a good thing considering the studies (http://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2014/10/31/study-milk-may-not-be-very-good-for-bones-or-the-body/) coming out recently. I switched to almond milk years ago, so I don't miss cow's milk at all in my cereal or for other cooking. But for coffee creamer, it's just not the same. Oh, and ice cream. I cannot forget the deliciousness I used to enjoy known as ice cream.

We also had this conversation at dinner last night.

Him: Here, try this asparagus. It's bangin'!

Me: Okay (taking bite and chewing tentatively, trying to be positive.) I think I might as well just start eating flower stems. That's what it tastes like to me (shaking my head apologetically.)

Him. Well, it basically is. (He shoves another forkful enthusiastically into his mouth.)

...later...

Me: (Watching him attack a plate of steaming broccoli) I think you are personally offended that I don't like broccoli.

Him: I'm not personally offended. I just don't understand it.

Me: What's to understand? It just tastes bad! (This time, he's shaking his head.)

I did eat the vegetarian lettuce wraps and kung pao tofu with these really tasty carrots and brown rice and enjoyed them. It is slowly getting easier and taking less thought now though after two months. I'm still hoping I will wake up some morning and miraculously like broccoli.

And maybe at some point I won't be the only fat, broccoli-hating vegan in the world.